His First Big Trip

Just a few weeks ago Paul went on his first big trip without mom and dad.  His class from school made a multi-day trip to the Pali Institute, in California.  As other parents before me have no-doubt experienced, this involved a wide variety of feelings for me. The excitement of seeing him go somewhere for two nights without us.  And the nervousness of seeing him go somewhere for two nights without us.

I was in 4th grade when I made my first big trip like this, and still remember it vividly as our class got onto a bus and drove for about seven hours from Colorado Springs down to Mesa Verde National Park.  We spent two nights away from home, and learned about the people who lived there and built the amazing cliff dwellings.  I remember feeling grown up on that trip, and didn’t feel any uncertainly or worry that mom and dad weren’t right with me.  Talking to my son after his trip, it seemed he was the same, with his entire focus on the adventure and not being away from home.  I’d like to think that reflects on having done a sufficient job preparing him for being away from us at that point, but there was still all the nervousness in me as a parent, having him that far away.  Here’s how it all played out in my simple, fatherly mind.

Excitement!

As mentioned, the trip to Mesa Verde was exciting for me, and based on Paul’s stories when he came home, Pali was just the same for him.  It seems everything about the trip was fun:  the adventure of the bus ride, being with his classmates outside of school, everything he learned about and did, etc.  He even raved about the food and ate things there that we normally have to push him to eat at home.  We were excited as parents because he never showed any fear or reservation about being that far away for several nights.  I have to believe that a big part of what prepped him for this was that he’s spend more than that many nights away from home.  They just weren’t out of town.  If anything ever went wrong or he decided he wanted to come home in the middle of the night, we could have just gone and picked him up—no problem.  Whether Paul has stayed at a friend’s house, or with his grandparents, he’s never asked to come home early for any reason. 

And nerves!

But this trip took Paul away from the local area without us.  If he got sick, had a horrible time, or anything else went wrong, it would have been a drive to another state to get him.  Not a crisis of course, but this was the farthest away from us he’d been.  Steph and I had been away from him longer than two nights before, but when that happened he was always with his grandparents.  This time he had no family nearby and it honestly made me nervous.  I know that doesn’t make me special or unique, but I had finally hit that point in the parenting timeline when those nerves came into play.  I managed this by focusing on the excitement and adventure he was experiencing, and by openly admitting to my wife (probably too many times), that I missed him and was nervous.  I also knew he was with two teachers—both of whom we obviously trust a great deal.

In the end, dad and lad both came through just fine.  I was reassured by all the stories he had ready for us when he returned home, and by the fact that nothing went wrong.  To add to easing my mind, his teacher periodically texted all the parents photos of what the kids were doing—something that my parents never could have benefitted from when I was in elementary school.  Frankly, short of a phone call, there was no word about the progress of my young trip to Mesa Verde.  But thanks to today’s technology, we could get amazing updates for Paul and his classmates as the trip unfolded.

So with that hurdle cleared, I know the next one will be easier.  Right?  Riiiiiight?  (Okay, I’m a big enough man to admit in advance, I’ll probably still be a little bit of a wreck…)

It’s great to be a dad!

Success Follows Failure

My last post covered how my son failed to pass a belt test.  Afterwards, he told us “that won’t happen again” and he’s worked incredibly hard.  Since then he’s passed the tests for his Green Belt (Decided), Purple Belt (Recommended), Purple Belt (Decided) and Blue Belt (Recommended).  As he went through earning his Purple Belt, he learned the associated phrase representing the meaning of the color of the belt:  “Coming to the mountain.  The tree is in mid-growth and now the path becomes steep.”  At Purple, he was half way to earning his Black Belt and was learning expectations are higher and what he’s learning is more difficult.  He also knows he’s now within a year of earning his Black Belt if he perseveres and continues to pass his tests.  It’s not just an idea he talks about now; it’s something he sees he can achieve.  As his parents we see this having a very real impact on his life.

Last Spring Paul competed in two events at the Las Vegas Victory Martial Arts Inter-School Tournament:  XMA Weapons (Sword) and Traditional Forms.  He was holding in third place but then a three-way tie for first eliminated his chance for a medal.  Then he tied for third in traditional forms but after performing again for the tie-breaker, he took fourth and lost that medal too.

While these aren’t failures by any means, to have two medals slip from his fingers was a disappointment for him.  We were so proud of his attitude and for how hard he tried, then for his heartfelt willingness to encourage all of his friends, and to celebrate with the ones who did well enough to take medals home.  We encouraged him to take a break and enjoy how hard he had worked, but with the intent to reset, re-focus and shoot to improve at the next tournament.  In the most recent Fall tournament, he competed in the same two events:  XMA Weapons (Sword) and traditional forms.  This time he tied for first place with his XMA Weapons form and ended up taking second after performing again to break the tie!

His practice of a martial art has also had an impact outside of the discipline itself.  For a second year now, Paul remains on the Victory Martial Arts “A-Team” as a straight-A student.  We certainly have to guide and encourage him to consistently apply himself at school (with the attention span and focus of an 8 year old constantly working to undo his fledgling habits of discipline), but more and more he’s telling us how he needs to apply himself differently or better, or telling us how a particular life skill from Victory served as a reminder to stay on task at school.

Related, he was recently presented with his school’s award for Academic Excellence in All Subjects.  Steph and I looked back to confirm what we thought we remembered, but this is his third year in a row earning this award.  

Now the journey continues, in martial arts and in life at large.  We’re so proud to see our son and his friends who he’s sharing this journey with, as they genuinely work hard and struggle with achieving very real goals—goals that once achieved will have a lifelong and comprehensive impact.

What’s next?  Maintaining the incredible work he’s been doing during the second half of the school year, and the chance to test and advance to Blue Belt (Decided) in just a few weeks, in which “the tree reaches for the sky, toward new heights.”  He’s also been invited to join the Competition Team and is now training for the upcoming ATA Spring Nationals in Las Vegas, where he’ll compete in Creative Weapons (traditional Sword) and XMA Weapons (Sword) form.  You know what he tells us about all this?  “YES I CAN!”  His goal:  First Place.

In spite of the progress of these individual mountain top moments and successes, there’s also been a bit of a mental slump in the overall routine.  A three year goal is difficult to stay focused on for many adults, and it’s a lifetime away for an eight year old.  I’ll write about that next time.

It’s great to be a dad!

A Big Month!

First there was Free Comic Book Day, then Steph and I went away for a week-long vacation visiting friends and attending a convention on the east coast without our son, and shortly after our return the school year ended with Paul finishing kindergarten.

May the 4th (be with you)...Free Comic Book Day.  Yes, being the geek parents we are, we have a favorite local comic book store and took Paul to pick out a few issues and enjoy the costumes.  And boy did he!  He went in costume himself and was a hit with everyone there.  At his request we pulled out an old Halloween costume and transformed him into a little Bobba Fett.  When he arrived he was instantly greeted and flanked by by a few fellow Star Wars characters:  a Stormtrooper and a full-sized member of the Fett clan.  Our son told my wife, "This is the best day of my life!"

Toward the end of the month it was time for the convention.  I completely trust my in-laws with Paul, but I think I suffered from something akin to fatherly separation anxiety.  As I think I’ve said before, I miss my son when he’s in the next room asleep.  For my wife and I to be on the opposite side of the country for a week was a little stressful for me.  I’ve been on trips before, but Steph’s been home.  This time it was both of us going and while we had confidence he’d do well, listen to what he was told, and have a good time, there was really only one way to find out:  so off we went!  We had a blast at the convention and Paul had a blast with his grandparents, but this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done as a father, and maybe in my life.  We spoke with him several times through the week and it was all fun and games.  The conversations weren’t long.  He was so busy having fun he’d give us a quick data-dump, and then off he’d go.  It warmed my heart to see how comfortable he was!  His behavior was great for his grandparents and at school, he did everything he was supposed to, and best of all he didn’t stress over our absence.  It was a great relief to know he took it all in stride.  (In fact, I think our dog stressed more than anyone, but she’s clingy and defensive.)  When we returned home, Paul was happy to see us, mostly because he could finally tell us about his adventures playing games, going on walks and especially playing in the pool.

I’m sure fathers who have gone around this track before understand--as a father this was a big step for me.  I think the same was true in a different way for our son.  Each of us grew a little (or maybe a lot) due to the experience and I’ve had the privilege of watching my son take a small but major step in his growth.  I’m happy to see this level of independence in him.  As I pray with him every night: I’m thankful and proud that he’s my son, and that I’m his dad.

Then, school ended this past week and we’re now the proud parents of a graduated kindergartener / brand new first-grader.  Paul did well this year at school and I’m confident he’s very ready to enter grade school.  For him it means next year he gets a new teacher and new friends in class, but Steph and I have made a bit of a big deal about it with him, pointing out we’re proud of him for being a first grader now and for how well he did this year.  He’s already excited rather than nervous about it, and we’ll reinforce this with him toward the end of the summer.  In the meantime, summer break is here and we’re swinging out efforts toward encouraging him to enjoy the fun and the days away from the classroom.  I’m pretty sure we won’t have a problem with that and if this summer is like the last two, he’ll tell us he’s ready for school sometime during the last month of summer break.  I love this lifetime adventure and as always...

It’s great to be a dad!

A Big Week

The first week of February was a pretty big week for our household, and I’ll warn you now, there’s a little bit of parental love in here; I’m going to boast a little about my son.  This week he turned six, lost his second tooth the morning of his birthday, he tested through the end of the entire list of vocabulary words for the school year, and he won a Citizenship Award for fairness at school.

I’m not sure why having a six year old seems so different than having a five year old.  Perhaps it’s more psychological for me as a parent than any actual significance.  He’s still a child and I’ll always endeavor to ensure he gets to enjoy being a child at every age, but having a son who is now “grade school age” somehow makes things different.  It certainly feels different than when he turned five but it’s a little hard to quantify other than to say he’s a year older.  Some of the greatest changes while he was five have been his ability to spell and read.  He’s reading at the same level I was when I was in second grade, and unlike today, my classmates and I were reading in first grade.  (It saddens me that it seems the current standard in so many states is to have kids reading by third grade.  Nevada is one of those states.)

And tooth number two fell out on his birthday!  He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and I heard him cheerfully exclaim, “My tooth fell out!  Dad!  My tooth fell out!”  We’ve told him that losing his baby teeth meant he was becoming a big boy, so he sees this as a good thing.  When I went in, he proudly showed me.  I asked him where his tooth was and he pointed at the drain.  I assured him that we didn’t need to see the tooth and that the hole where it had once been spoke volumes about how he was growing and healthy.

Then, two days after his birthday we attended the quarterly assembly at his school.  His school is Pre-K through 5th grade and is small enough that they assemble the entire student body during these quarterly gatherings.  In addition to the curriculum, each quarter the school focuses the students on a particular civics/citizenship attribute.  Last quarter was “fairness” and we were proud to learn that our son won recognition for being the best model of fairness within the kindergarden.  We weren’t necessarily surprised based on feedback we’d received from his teacher the year prior at the same school, and even from his kindergarden teacher in Germany two years ago.  What made this different was he was formally recognized in front of us and in front of the other students.

Then to wrap up an amazing week, even though the school year is just past half over we learned he successfully tested through the entire year’s list of vocabulary/sight words and he’s rifling through his spelling tests with equal skill!  All I can say is we seem to have done something right when we started him down the path of doing his homework in a disciplined way, rewarding him for getting it done, and ensuring we read to him (and he reads to us) nightly.

Related to last week, I think it’s important to point out he’s in a kindergarden with a formal curriculum; with real, nightly homework; and high standards of conduct for the kids.  But the school does a fantastic job of teaching the kids at their ages rather than pushing them too hard.  In other words, they aren’t pushing the kindergardeners to be first graders, etc.  They absolutely expect them to be good kindergardeners in order to be ready for first grade.  The kids know what’s expected, are solidly encouraged when they show progress, helped when they struggle, and I think this keeps school fun for them--as fun as school can be anyway.  We strive to have the same environment at home and do our best to always be mindful to let our (now) six year old actually be a six year old, to enjoy the things little boys at his age enjoy, and ensure while we’re laying the critical foundation of education, he also gets plenty of time to play and goof off.  It isn’t always an easy balance to keep, but so far so good.  I’m so proud of my son!

It’s great to be a dad!

School's On!

Yesterday was my son’s first day of school since we moved back to the U.S.  I suspect this was more significant for us than it was for him since he was in a German kindergarten last year and he’s been asking regularly about when school starts again.  What made this a big deal for us is that we’ve put him in a private school.

Please don’t misunderstand.  My wife and I are both the products of public schools and neither of us have a problem with Paul attending one, unless it’s clear the curriculum and/or teaching isn’t up to a standard we expect to be met.  Obviously that becomes a constant decision as Paul moves from grade to grade and school to school.  In Germany he attended a private kindergarten with what I can only call a mini-liberal arts curriculum.  They had reading, writing, math, sciences, language and fitness as a part of the schedule.  He did well and we wanted him to continue with something similar.  As a result we found ourselves looking at private education options.

The added benefits are continued exposure to the rigor and discipline of the education process he’ll see as he advances in his education, a relatively small class size, a nation-wide accredited curriculum, and one other bonus I don’t mind at all: the students wear school uniforms.  While I don’t see wearing school uniforms as a black-and-white issue, it undoubtedly visually adds to the students’ perception of a level paying field, removes the distraction of differences (especially for young children), and sets an overall tone or mood within the student body.  Besides, the uniforms aren’t stuffy, nor do they attempt to make these young kids appear older than they are.  They’re just kids in school uniforms designed for kids.  I’m okay with this.

So our little man began his adventure within the formal education process in America today, hopefully setting the stage well for a lifetime of learning.  And no doubt, just as with everything else about his life so far, I’ll find myself reliving (and relearning) the things of my own youthful years.  If I can keep him in schools built on solid and proven  curriculums, and keep him interested and excited about school, then I’ll feel that I’ve done my job as his father.  This is going to be exciting, hopefully for the both of us!

It’s great to be a dad!