Fall Soccer & Smelly Feet

The Fall AYSO soccer season kicked off here in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago.  My son played last Spring and was eager all Summer for the Fall season to start.  Well, the season began but there’s something other than a new uniform happening now:  smelly feet.

After getting home from his first game we took his shoes and socks off and our noses detected trouble, our eyes watered and the dog fled the room.  He’s always been very active and while we knew this day would come, we hadn’t really given it any thought.  The result was surprise and some small amount of alarm when he climbed onto my lap and the smell of sweaty feet overwhelmed punched me in the nose.

I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.  The good news is a bath quickly followed and the problem was solved.  The best news of all: my son is a healthy, growing boy!

It’s great to be a dad!

Losing Dad

This may be the most difficult thing I’ve ever written.  Just a few weeks ago my son surprised my wife and I when he suddenly looked sad and said, “Dad, when I’m big like you and I have a son like you do, I’m going to miss you.”  I asked him, “Why will you miss me?”  He explained that when he’s big I’ll “be in my skel” and he won’t be able to see me anymore.  When he says something is a skel, he’s referring to it being a skeleton--being dead.  My young son was now somehow aware of death and the loss it brings.

On the 18th of August my wife, son and I boarded a plane in some haste and flew to Madison, Mississippi to be with my dad.  His was in the hospital and his health was failing quickly.  We were all able to see him.  I spent all day on the 19th sitting and talking with him, and to the best of my ability, comforting him as he was in and out of sleep.  Just a few days later, he passed away.  My mom and I were with him and it was the most heartbreaking and tender of moments.  We had both shared our thoughts and words of encouragement with him, ensuring he knew we were there and okay, and that we loved him.  Mom was sitting by his side holding his hand and I was standing over him from the other side.  I had just finished quietly speaking into his ear, I kissed his forehead, and he left us.  His departure was quiet and graceful.  It was honorable and dignified.

What made that moment most special to me as his son were those final words I shared with him.  They weren’t private or new to his ears, and were words I’ve said to him and to others about him before.  I quietly and humbly told my father this:

“Dad, I’m proud of you and all that you’ve done in life.  I’m so proud that you’re my dad and I’m your son.  I love you.”

Just seconds after I said these words, he died with my hand on his shoulder and his hand in mom’s.

As we made the trip to Mississippi, we told our son his grandpa (who he called “G”) was very sick.  Once we were there, I took time on several occasions to help him understand that he wouldn’t get to see G again, including one brief but significant father and son walk.  Steph and I didn’t want to hide this from him, nor did we want to make death some sort of fiction, and we struggled with how to best do this, knowing there isn’t a “right way.”  We were confident that our son was mature enough to see his grandfather as sick as he was, to grasp the basic truth of the reality of death (especially after his earlier statement), and to learn that the death of the body is as much a part of life as birth and everything in between.  He was with us during the visitation and memorial service, handled everything very well, and touched our hearts dearly when he solemnly snuggled Steph and told her sadly, “I’m going to miss G.”

As a son having just lost his dad, I was able to draw very real strength from having my son with me through it all.  It was special that we could share it, with me carrying the heaviest emotional weight of the loss for him, and as a dad experiencing the very real love and tangible support from my own son.  I also had the privilege of giving the eulogy at dad’s memorial service--truly the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I can’t imagine anyone else having done it and while it felt like I was speaking without any oxygen in the air, it was also medicine for my own soul.  In the end, during the trip my son was able to see his grandfather purposefully for a last time, see the sorrow in my heart at the loss of my father, and hear the words I offered in a meager attempt to honor him--his grandfather--in front of his gathered friends and family.

We will bury dad at Arlington National Cemetery sometime later this year, and we will be there with him--father and son--to give dad one final goodbye as our country lays him to rest with full military honors.  I know I’m biased, but I think it’s the best thing my grateful family can do for this amazing and quiet man who gave everything he had to us, to his country, and to his community.  He served us all well, with honor, integrity and humility, and it showed to anyone who looked.  I certainly learned from his example and trust my son has too.  Among everything else, my job now as a father is to do my best to ensure my son continues to learn the same lessons of honor, integrity, humility and service, hopefully through my words and deeds.  It’s not easy, but what an awesome task.  And there’s no better way I can think of to continue to honor my father than by raising my son--his grandson--well.

It’s great to be a dad!

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Here are the links to my father's official military biography and his obituary.  His obituary captures his career after his retirement from the military.

What Is A Young Adult?

I just recently became aware of the NPR list of Best Young Adult Fiction.  I came across this list because of a small controversy resulting from a book they excluded:  Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card.  The controversy isn’t about Ender’s Game specifically, but about why it was excluded balanced against what made the list.

While I’m definitely a fan of Ender’s Game, and the saga this book begins, this post isn’t about arguing why Ender’s Game should or should not be on a list of acceptable YA novels.  Instead, it seems one of two things is happening at NPR:  1) giving NPR the benefit of the doubt, they’ve confused what it seems should be the obvious difference between a young adult and a child, or 2) NPR has an agenda and has excluded Ender’s Game based on either a bias against the book (unrelated to the discussion about age-appropriateness) or the author.  While the latter is possible, the more important issue is about how we as parents decide to put appropriate material in front of our kids: books, movies, etc.

NPR says they excluded Ender’s Game (as well as at least one other book) from the final list because “while Ender himself is young, the book’s violence isn’t appropriate for young readers.”  Even so, they still included other books like Lord of the Flies and Dune on the final list, both of which contain stunning depictions of violence.  This exposes two problems.  NPR acknowledges the first: “no reader’s poll will ever be truly objective.”  If for no other reason, a panel of judges can’t and won’t ever apply a rigid standard to a body of diverse literary works, each of which is unique.  The best we’ll ever get is an organized mess.  The second problem revolves around what they asked for: recommendations for a list of the Best Young Adult Fiction.

When I see “young adult” I take the words at face value and acknowledge the phrase very obviously includes the word adult.  While 13 seems to be a generally agreed upon age for differentiating child from young adult, there isn’t a clear line.  Why? To state the obvious again: like every adult in the world, every child is an individual with a complex set of reasons why they are who they are.  At a specific age, some kids excel at certain things while others don’t.  Some fear things that others don’t.  They each deal with all the aspects of life presented to them differently and this is true for violence.  My problem with what NPR has done trying to compile a YA list of books is that they showed us they don’t have the ability to differentiate between children who aren’t yet young adults, and those who are.

I suggest there’s really only one body, one committee, one panel of judges that can form such a list of movies, literature, songs and other wonderful manifestations of art: each child’s parents.  For each child, the panel of judges is as large as the parents responsible for that little person.  (NPR: the number tends to be one or two, unless you include extended family.)  Mom and Dad, are you familiar with what your kids are reading?  Have you read the material yourself?  Hopefully, to the best of your ability, the answer is “yes” to both questions.  No one knows your child better than you do, or no one should.  Other parents, friends, teachers: they’re all an incredible part of the cultural cloud that we and our kids operate in and draw support from, but your child is your child, not theirs.  With all due respect to those who advocate the position that “it takes a village” what that village contributes is and should always be limited.  My wife and I had our son.  He is the human product of our love for each other.  Sorry village, but you weren’t there; the door was locked and the blinds were drawn, on purpose.  And now our son first and foremost is our responsibility to raise.  Village, and NPR, you are the supporting cast.

Are lists like the one NPR created valuable?  They sure are, but often, they end up being only interesting.  Regardless of who creates a list like this, I hope parents don’t use it as a suitable substitute for exercising their own judgment.  I remember several of the books on the NPR list.  There are many I’ve never read and some I’ve never heard of.  In the end, my wife and I will focus our son on the books we know are proven based on our own reading, then on the recommendations of people we know and trust.  For unknown books, we’ll probably read them first, at least until we know our son is old enough to make determinations on his own about the value of what he can take away from any piece of literature.  We’re also aware this is constant work since that list will change constantly, with his age and experience.

So what is a young adult?  Well, I suspect it’s similar to art: I can’t give you a rigid answer but you’ll know it when you see it.  NPR, I think you bit off more than you could ever chew and I’m not sure your list really matters.  It’s too long and you can’t lock down what you meant when you said “young adult.”  I know my own son though and will continuously put good books in his hands as a child, into his young adult years once he’s there, and even when he’s indisputably an adult.  And yes, he’ll definitely read Ender’s Game when he’s old enough, probably when he’s a “young adult.”

This parenting stuff is hard, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world!

You can find my review of the original four Ender's Saga books (Ender's Game, Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide and Children of the Mind) under my profile on Goodreads.  

It’s great to be a dad!

Here are links to the original article and NPR posts that caught my attention:

1. http://www.enderwiggin.net/2012/07/24/npr-calls-enders-game-too-violent-young-readers/
2. http://www.npr.org/2012/07/24/157072526/best-ever-teen-novels-vote-for-your-favorites
3. http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2012/07/24/157311055/best-ya-fiction-poll-you-asked-we-answer
4. http://www.npr.org/2012/07/24/157111862/young-adult-fiction-finalists

The Great Ice Cube Incident

Just last week my son put an ice cube down the back of my pants.  He worked incredibly hard to ensure he could sneak up on me and had my wife help him by distracting me during the prank.  It was awesome!

I love my son’s sense of humor even though right now it isn’t much different than any other five year old boy.  But this was the first time I can remember that he stepped away from funny sounding words and bathroom humor and crafted a plan to actually do something he decided was funny.  What made it even cooler was that he’s never seen Stephanie or I put ice down anyone’s pants.  He either heard other kids talking about this at school, saw it on TV, or he connected the dots himself and thought it would be funny to put something cold where it doesn’t usually belong.  After asking him about it, it seems it’s the latter, and that makes me happy.

While I was busy, he went over to the freezer and grabbed a cube...

Then he walked up behind me with all the boldness of a veteran ice cuber...

And committed the act.

With a 43 year difference in our ages, I hope I never squelch his developing sense of humor and continue to enjoy watching my son’s young and strong mind figure out what’s funny to him, and what he hopes is funny to others around him.  I’m sure there’ll be goofs and miscalculations along the way, but I think they’ll be worth it based on the great ice cube incident.  I'm so proud of my little man.  Oh, did I mention my wife was involved in this?  It's okay; I’m all smiles!

It’s great to be a dad!

Hiking & Fitness

Recently a friend of ours and I took our sons on a hike.  Paul and I have hiked before, but most of those “adventures” involved fairly short distances, or longer trips with the support of a jogging stroller in case he got tired.  This was his first real hike that included climbing in some nearby hills.  With water and snacks loaded in my backpack, we set off to Red Rock Canyon to hike the Lost Creek Trail.

I may not be the model of fitness but as I tell my son, I do my best to stay healthy so I can play with him and earn the milk money.  I also want him to grow up seeing fitness as an integrated part of life: not overkill, not a fad or trend, just a regular part of living.  I’ve been a hiker and jogger most of my adult life and used to take Paul with me in a jogging stroller.  That continued until he grew bored with it.  

I think the day will come soon when he might be interested in jogging, but for now, when the weather permits, we’ll hike.  Some of the hikes we’ve already taken are “adventures” following local trails through public parks.  This hike was through an unimproved area: uneven and dissimilar surfaces, hills, bugs, sticks, cacti, etc.  Every turn presented something visually and physically new.  We even found a stream shrouded within an area with some reasonably substantial brush.  He loved it!

As a father I can only hope that my son grows up willing to exercise himself in a manner that links a genuine desire for a lifestyle of physical fitness to a love of exploring and enjoying the outdoors.

It’s great to be a dad!

The Circus!

The Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus came to town and last weekend we took Paul to experience his first real circus.  He loved it, and honestly I did too.

I can’t say where my childhood memories of the circus come from.  I can’t remember if my parents ever took me to one, but I think they did.  If not an actual circus, they must have taken me to a carnival or something similar.  Regardless, what I remembered wasn’t pleasant.  I didn’t like it at all: the sights, the smells, everything about it, and I was fairly reluctant to take my son to “enjoy” the same thing.

This was different: it was very well done and it was fun!  The theme was dragons, which added a little something unique to the usual things found at the circus.  The usuals were there though, acrobats, lions and tigers (but no bears), elephants, trick dogs and cats, many motorcycles driving around inside a small, spherical steel cage, but everything had the mystery of dragons running through it, drawing from various cultures from around the globe.  Very cool.

Before the show the actors/athletes were on the floor, rings assembled, rehearsing various aspects of the main performance and we were allowed onto to floor to see them up close, meet the actors, and even have them sign our program.  This was a nice touch.  Paul even ended up getting picked to participate in one of the rings!

We made our way to our seats, the show began and everything about it was fantastic.  Multiple acts, multiple rings, and a build up to the emergence of a very well done, full sized dragon at the end.  My only criticism is over the length of the show.  Even with an intermission, it was long.  The performance began at 11:30 a.m. and didn’t end until almost 2:00 p.m.  Paul started getting fidgety about the time time intermission came, and even with the break, he was a little restless for the rest of the show.  That said, we got what we paid for and didn’t feel short changed at all.  There is no way anyone can see this show and complain about the quality or quantity of the experience.

Would I go again?  Absolutely yes, and so would my son.  Well done, Ringling Brothers!

It’s great to be a dad!

Some Favorite iOS Apps for Kids

I haven’t conducted a survey or assessment of the significant mass of iOS apps out there for our kids, but there are a few that have passed muster and find a home on my iOS devices: most on my iPad and a few on my iPhone.  I’ll talk about them and tell you why I’ve liked them.  More importantly, these are the ones that are not just “parent approved” but also approved by my son.  I lump all of these into one of two categories:  educational and games.  In several cases, the games also have some developmental or educational value.  Here we go:

Educational:

abc PocketPhonics + First Words (by Apps in My Pocket).  This is a great little app that teaches letter recognition, writing and sounds.  It also progresses toward reading, writing and speaking first words.  Kids learn by seeing and hearing, then the app guides them through writing the same letters they see and hear.

Osmos for iPad (by Hemisphere Games).  Technically a game.  If your child likes this, they’ll also learn a little physics as they play.  The game is visually stunning and the music is soothing.

The Elements (by Element Collection).  This is a high-end periodic table of the elements.  Your kids will love its interactive nature and the superior photos that accompany each element.  Everything else will be over their heads, but I’m pretty sure they’ll fall in love with with the table and set the stage for the future when they actually learn about the elements.

Star Walk for iPad (by Vito Technology)  An interactive astronomy guide.  This app is amazing.  Making use of your mobile device’s location awareness and accelerometer, you simply point the device at the sky and it shows you in real time what you’re looking at.  It also shows you stellar objects you can’t see with the naked eye.  The database includes stars, planets, constellations, and many of the satellites in Earth’s orbit, to include the International Space Station.  You can even see what’s below the horizon so you know what’s coming into view soon.  Want to know more?  Just touch the object you’re interested in and additional information appears.  My son loves this app and we spend quite a bit of time with it when we’re outside at night.

Super Why! (by PBS Kids)

Games:

Gears (by Crescent Moon Games).  Use your finger to guide a ball through a series levels of spinning gears.  Fun to look at and challenging enough to hold attention.

Star Wars Pit Droids (by LucasArts).  I downloaded this because my son wanted “a Star Wars game.”  Frankly it looked too hard for a five year old, but I grabbed it anyway.  Based on the pit droids from Star Wars: Episode 1, the object is to place directional guides to direct the droids around obstacles and into a hatch.  The levels run from a single stream of droids and a single destination up through multiple streams of different colored droids needing to negotiate around obstacles and each other to their own similarly colored hatches.  While he struggles with several of the levels, I was surprised how quickly he learned how to win.

Angry Birds (by Chillingo).  There are four versions of this game out there; get them all.  They’re addictive and will also teach your child a little about physics when it comes to aiming the various birds.  They’ll also learn how different birds have different effects depending on what they strike.  Be ready to regularly lose control of your mobile device.

Cut the Rope (by Chillingo).  A “little cutie guy” as my son says, and a piece of candy.  It’s simple:  cut the rope suspending a piece of candy so that it drops into the cutie guy’s mouth.  Throw in some bubbles and a few spiders to frustrate your good intent and you have hours of fun. 

Flight Control (by Firemint Pty).  Levels range from simple to complex.  The goal is to land a variety of aircraft on their appropriate runways or helipads.  As levels progress, the sky gets pretty full.  Different aircraft fly at different speeds.  Direct their flight paths with your finger and don’t let them collide.  Simple, right?

Labyrinth 2 (by Illusion Labs).  Another game with a simple underlying concept:  Move a little metal ball through a maze to a target and avoid falling in holes, and the unwanted effects of fans and magnets along the way.  Add in buttons you need to trigger to open pathways, and things get challenging quickly.  Played on an iPad, your child holds it flat like a table and tilts it to roll the ball.  Great for hand-eye coordination!

Tilt to Live (by One Man Left).  Speaking of games that require tilting to maneuver, this simple game with simple graphics has you maneuvering a ship shaped like a pointer.  Objects come in from the sides and your child will have to move around to keep from letting them touch your ship.  As time and levels progress, it gets harder.  Another great game that entertains and teaches hand-eye coordination.

Feed Me Oil (by Chillingo).  In this one, oil comes out of a spigot and needs to end up in a reservoir.  The player has to place spinning paddle wheels in the right places to make it happen without spilling too much along the way.

Plants vs. Zombies (by PopCap).  Teaches a little person a little strategy.  Cartoon zombies try to make it across the screen to the player’s house.  A variety of plant obstacles are available for placement along the paths to the house to frustrate and eliminate the zombies.  As levels advance, the player ends up not only with a variety of plants but also a variety of zombies, including dancing zombies!

Tiny Wings (by Andreas Illiger).  Harder than it looks: a tiny bird with tiny wings moves across hilly terrain, picking up flowers and suns along the way.  Meanwhile the sun is setting and the game ends once the sun goes below the horizon.  The goal is to pick up enough flowers and suns to speed the bird along.  But there’s more!  The player has to use the hills to launch our little bird friend into the air.  This is done by touching the screen at the right time.  Touching the screen pulls the bird down and needs to be timed with the downward slopes on the hills, then released to let the bird race up the hills and fly.  An awesome hand-eye coordination game!

Cannon Cat (by Loqheart).  A cat saving birds trapped in little bubbles.  That’s right, saving, not eating!  The player launches the cat from cannon to cannon to fly across the trapped birds.  When timed right, the bubbles burst and the birds are free.  To show their thanks they usually rally around the cat when he sits in a cannon.  Sometimes the cannons move and sometimes they change where they’re pointed.  The player has to pay attention and time when to launch the cat.  Each level is finite and ends with the cat soaring through a portal.  Feedback is gentle if all the birds aren’t freed and the player gets another chance to try again.  When there’s success, the next level is available (similar to Angry Birds).

Give some (or all of these) a try and if you’ve found other educational or game apps for your young one, feel free to post them here in the comments.

It’s great to be a dad!